Heavy Bones - Heavy Bones (1992)

How is it that one of the best glam metal albums of all time (if not the best ever?) has yet to get a review 'round the blogosphere? A crying shame I say, but all the more reason to give it a proper spotlight here.

The story of sleazemeisters Heavy Bones is an interesting one, if not all that surprising: Warner Bros wanted to form a "supergroup" around guitar prodigy Gary Hoey (a studio favorite of some random guy named Ozzy Osbourne. Maybe you've heard of him, lol) and ended up surrounding him with a surprising cast of faces, including W.A.S.P and Quiet Riot drummer Frankie Banali and an obscure but extremely talented singer named Joel Ellis, who kind of sounds like Axl Rose but with a lot more range and versatility. Dude had one helluva snarl to go with his unconventionally diverse range, but that's just more to the listener's benefit.

Still, 1992 was far too late in the game for a major play at the radio. No matter how great the songs might be, something this consummately 80's was bound to hit a wall in light of all the "hair" metal backlash. After lead single (and what an awesome single it was I might add) '4:AM T.M.' flopped commercially despite a brief rotation on the Headbanger's Ball, Warner dropped Heavy Bones like a sack of manure and everyone involved went their separate ways. The hard truth that stellar music doesn't always lead to success is a difficult pill to swallow, but take these guys as a prime real world example even before the advent of the digital age in the grunge era.

These facts aside, this is splendid music by any measure, a cool 40+ minutes of explosive fun with a tantalizing hint of "something more" that distinguishes this production's methodology from others in the same territory. Listen to the opening Crue-esqe 'Hand That Feeds', that breakdown in the second half of the previously mentioned 4:AM T.M. or the off-the-wall slammin' on 'Where The Livin' Is Easy'....this is an album that knows exactly what it wants to do and manages to outclass most of its more commercially successful brethren with frightening ease. 

The real kicker is just how much diversity is packed in here amidst the obvious headbangers though, with the obvious elephant-in-the-room being the epic Led Zeppelin/Aerosmith throwback 'Where Eagles Fly'. For those of you familiar with the big epic sound of John Sykes' Blue Murder album from 1990 or his work with Whitesnake, this song is throttling around in that arena. Songs starts off in an acoustic frame of mind before erupting like a volcano about midway through into something compellingly fierce and awe inspiring. Probably Ellis's best performance on the whole recording too, and that's quite a feat considering how on dead-on he is on all the other songs too. Dude's a freak in the best way a frontman can be.

From my perspective, heavy metal is general is more interesting when the songs display a spark of dynamism that doesn't get them all caught in the same time signature or a uniform pacing that dominates the entire running time. We can pick and choose our favorite numbers for our streaming playlists, personal collections, IPod playlists, etc...but the album experience when it comes to metal almost always benefits when there's the perfect blend of consistency, energy and variety, with all the peaks and valleys that come with it. Heavy Bones not only has a lot of great songs, but as an album it flows better and hits harder than most could hope to, and even when they slow down they're still top notch.

If you enjoy heavy metal with some sleaze, some polish and a whole lot of personality...well, that's between you and the Gods Of Metal. I say just get it and enjoy. :) 

Buy It Here!  

Originally Reviewed Over On My MusicBanter Journal - Click Here To See My Original Review! 

Scoяpioиs - Cяαzy Шoяld (1990)

Classic post-80's metal from some nobody German band that your dad definitely didn't used to listen to obsessively. I'm pretty sure they did a song about tornadoes or something before, but it's all kinda fuzzy right now...

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Infεctious Groovεs - Thε Plaguε That Makεs Your Booty Movε... It's Thε Infεctious Groovεs (1991)

Funk metal/hardcore pioneer band debut (an offshoot from Suicidal Tendencies) that does a lot of cool shit. I think the cover is supposed to be some weird parody of the TMNT, but who really gives a damn when Ozzy Osbourne, the fuckin' PRINCE O' DARKNESS, guests on the lead single?

Release the hounds.

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X Japαn - Jεαlousy (1991)

Speed metal mixed with pompous classical arrangements, loaded with ballads, blistering guitar work and a strange mix of pop yet punk sensibility? Sounds like another great day in the world of early Visual Kei to me!

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Шαrrior Soul - Lαst Dεcαdε Dεαd Cεntury (1990)

Fans of Headbanger's Ball and whatnot will get a get a kick out of this! Somewhere between hair metal and the grungier ground of the incoming 90's, this is one hell of a electrically charged debut which deserves a place in each and every one of your respective collections. The fact that its still politically and socially relevant after twenty some years (AKA fuck the government and their bullshit) only adds to the charm.

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Kip Шiиgεя - This Coиvεяsαtioи Sεεms Likε A Drεαm (1997)

The debut solo masterpiece from this great former hair-metal singer/songwriter's 90's alternative rock period, done in the wake of the death of his wife. Regardless of whether he's doing harmonic walls-of-sound shredders such as 'Kiss Of Life' and 'Monster' or more atmosphere oriented knives in your emotional belly like 'Here' and the acoustic 'Naked Son', K.W. treats his voice as if it were the only candle he possesses against the vast darkness of the world. However, he also takes advantage of his dynamic vocal power as a textural instrument to complement whatever grandiose designs he chooses to lay around it.

Great men make great music, ladies and gents, so pick this up and experience it for yourself.

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|)ream Th3ater - 1mages And W0rds (1992)

Early 90's progressive metal classic everyone should own, and another one of those life-changing records that got me interested in music as a young schmuck. And yes, I know how "meh" this band's reputation is, but even the wank kings themselves had a few good shots in the barrel before they lost their musical minds. This was the second of three such gems in this group's discography (the others being When Dream And Day Unite and Awake), and its a helluva trip for anyone who digs metal with a big of emotional flavor and a sense of atmosphere. Highlights include 'Surrounded', the single best power ballad in the history of fancy metal, MTV metal one hit wonder 'Pull Me Under' and axe-shred staple 'Under A Glass Moon'.

Listen Here - "Surrounded"


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Queensrÿche - Promised Land (1994)

The last magic set of cuts (remastered in 2010, which is what I'm putting out tonight here) in this infamous progressive metal band's (until after this point) amazing discography, Promised Land also holds the distinction at being the most minimalistic and least metal-centric album Geoff Tate and co. ever put into stores. This sudden movement towards sonic diversity is partly in continuation to some of the ideas presented on their previous blockbuster Empire back in 1990, but perhaps they simply chose a more stripped down approach because they felt it suited the ideas they were trying to present. Either way, its certainly an interesting existence in a decade where few bands felt the need to stretch beyond their fanbases.

The best tracks are the ones that hook you in rather immediately - 'Disconnected' feels like a classic Faith No More offering with a heavy case of grunge distortion while the two 7+ minute epics ('Someone Else?' and the title track respectively) are true conundrums and where the band's earlier metal sound and their newfound sinister acoustics come together in perfect synthesis. I'm sure a few jaws will drop too when they hear Tate playing the motherfuckin' saxophone on both of these songs. Yes, you read that right!

I recommend this album to anyone who thought this act simply lost their songwriting prowess after 1989, and not because its a great metal record, but because it's simply great music that happens to be under the reins of individuals who made their names in the pop metal world a decade before. 

Listen Here - "Disconnected"



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Strangeways - Walk In The Fire (1989)

In recording an equally sharp continuation from it's 1987 sibling Native Sons, Strangeways would unfortunately break up after recording this masterpiece due to the godawful marketing which led to predictably dismal sales at a time when nobody could figure out how to market good music to the sedated masses. Bloody shame too, as I think this album's success could have kept grunge underground another couple of years (a genre I'm a fan of in certain respects)...which wouldn't have necessarily been a bad thing depending on how you see it.

Basically, Walk In The Fire was the perfect end to the cheesiest, over-the-top decade of sonic indulgence in human history. It's also arguably the defining statement of ten whole years of "wimpy" metal, the genre's endgame pinnacle...and that's not praise to be taken lightly.

Check out the previous post, get this, and be happy that you have the two best hair-metal/AOR albums on the planet [remastered too!] in your collection.

Listen Here - "Every Time You Cry"


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Strangeways - Native Sons (1987)

Same Scottish/British band who recorded the previously uploaded/posted And The Horse, but from a previous decade. Along with being one of my favorite records of all time, this is unquestionably the best written, best recorded and overall most atmospheric and emotionally charged arena rock album of the 80's, equaled only by its magical follow-up Walk In The Fire from '89. Terry Brock, formally a backup singer for more popular bands and artists of the era, sounds so good here on his lead vocal debut it's almost criminal to think it could have been anyone else in the position.

But hey, you don't have to take my word for it. Google it and you'll find this album at the top of many an aficionado's 80's Melodic Rock list, mostly due to the hooks and songwriting that went into making such a monstrously catchy and involving pop-metal album. The sheer bravado of these songs makes the usually lauded recordings from the genre (Journey's Escape, Bon Jovi's Slippery When Wet, Survivor's Vital Signs, etc.) sound shitty even to the ears of a person who would normally love those bands...and that's not an easy thing to do methinks.

Therefore, give this and it's followup album a shot to hear the best of what 80's melodic pop-metal has to offer!

Listen Here - "Where Do We Go From Here"


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Nitro - O.F.R. (1989)

An album so ridiculously full of itself that you almost want to be it, Nitro's debut 1989 extravaganza O.F.R., an apt acronym for Out. Fucking. Rageous,, is probably the best party metal album of the 80's despite it's perchance for vocals so high and over-the-top nuts that even somebody like King Diamond might as well be Tom Waits.

This record is hair metal that's been fired up to the fucking max, nuff said, from the guitars to the percussion to the songs themselves. The drums chatter toward Mach 5 at the best of moments and keep time like a sundial even at its rare sedated segueing, shining especially on the speed metal pieces like the title track and 'Bring It Down'. And in all honestly, I can't think of any other hair metal album that even comes close to touching the intensity of most of this record's material. For this, I blame the incredulously talented Jim Gillette - his pipes are beyond peer and dimension when it comes to cheese & crackers.

Listen and judge for yourselves though. Persoanlly, I think fans of that good ol' 80's heavy metal (NWOBHM, etc.) and over the top insanity will think they've hit the motherload tonight!

Listen Here - "Bring It Down"

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It Bites - Once Around The World (1988)

Tonight's choice for Uploadom is something of a gamble on my part. First, I love it to motherfucking death, and two, I doubt most of you will give a shit in light of that adoration. Damn it! >:(

It Bites are one of the best things to come out of the 80's, a no-holds-barred collision between bubbly, Level 42-ish pop sensibility and prog. rock pomposity (the 70's Genesis sort) to the nth degree, a crossbreed of ideas that work so beautifully at times that it's almost unbelievable. Lead vocalist and guitarist Francis Dunnery is supernatural in his ability as a frontman in places, and his charisma is felt from the cheesiest moments to those that take the breath right out of you.

Once Around The World was this fine, fine band's sophomore album from 1988 and of the five albums the band has done so far (2008's comeback masterpiece The Tall Ships and 2012's Map Of The Past excluded), it's definitely their milestone. Steve Hillage of Gong fame produced this sucker, and although the 80's has it's talons deep in most of the tracks on board here [the hair-metal influences are heir apparent in opener 'Midnight' and the pop-culture panorama 'Plastic Dreamer' for example), the hallmarks of the It Bites sound are unique and hold up the rest of the songs quite nicely: fantastic vocal harmonies, quicksilver fretwork and an intuitive sense of dynamics that gives weight to even those oudated keyboard soundscapes. Don't believe me? If the guitar and theremin hooplah near the end of 'Yellow Christian' doesn't derive anything from you, then you should stop listening to music entirelly!

An album that few people understand, others dismiss, and that even a few openly mock, It Bites's Once Around The World is a personal poppy little treasure of mine that I hope can connect even the slightest bit to an audience of people saturated by other things and who have no tolerance for melodicism or campiness.

Listen Here - "Yellow Christian"


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